I'M BACK!!!

 Let me first say,

I AM SO SORRY FOR DISAPPEARING ON ALL OF YOU!! 

This semester has been so much crazier than I anticipated.  Three classes, plus an internship of 250 hours is more than i thought it would be, even if the classes are mostly online.  i thought to myself, 250 hours over 4 months. easy peasy. i was mistaken. it actually ended up being over 3 months.  i had to be fingerprinted which took time so i didnt really start until almost Feburary. 

the month of march was very hectic. since august poor elizabeth ann has had at least one ear infection a month. march, however, we had double ear infections that took over 10 days and 2 antibiotics to go away. Finally we got tubes!!! 

however a week after she got tubes, she was diagnosed with the flu. on march 30! 

poor little girl. that also took 10 days, tamiflu and a cough syrup BUT it didnt go away :( michael and i both had the flu and were out of school and work for an extra week. clearly this is going well into april.

Do you think she could tell there was Tamiflu mixed in with her oatmeal? ;)

Currently, we are waiting on her secondary bronchitis infection to go away. apparently since there is no fever she is not contagious but she is on her 2nd antibiotic and almost 2 weeks of meds and cough syrup. but at least we are still carrying on with our daily lives. somewhat. with 2 very long naps a day until she starts feeling better.

Now that all of that is settling down and the semester is wrapping up.....

I'M BACK!!!!

so i guess i should start with what im excited MOST about and then go backwards.  throughout all of this i have been slowly working on crafts for elizabeth ann's first birthday. 

here are the pics of what ive been working on. trying to decide which one i should do tutorials for and shots of the process...comment if you have a fave! :)

a high chair tutu before it was completely and glued

made from scratch cake plates. then glittered.

focus on the colors in the center. every DIY needs a trial run. loved putting ice cream in these.

our seriously fabulous cake!! so delicious! and adorable if i do say so myself.

DIY birthday girl hat. plus another shot of the chair

party favors

i really love this idea! i adore her birthday board cant wait to see how next years changes

ps. etsy $85 DIY $30ish

wishes for baby! perfect for a one year old party. gives the adults their entertainment other than just talking to each other or chasing their children

somehow i did not get a close up of the banner but theres my 

"happy birthday" banner

a cool angle of the three biggest DIYs of the party. the plates, the hat and the tutu.

and somehow we didnt get a shot of the gift table BEFORE the mountain of presents arrived.

try to check out the table cloth. again DIY. 

now this last thing is not anything i did, but it was beautiful and my mother did it start to finish even the roses. i almost was happy that elizabeth ann didnt like cake or having icing on her precious fingers because it was too pretty for a smash cake honestly. i mean i know i picked it out and everything but next year a smash cake will have to be something not so beautiful.

Dont forget leave some comments so you can help me decide about which tutorial to share!!! :)

sorry for bragging on myself but i just worked so hard on this and it was literally exactly how i envisioned!!!

Happy Birthday baby girl :) 

mommy loves you!!!!

lately

so here is a list of the things that have kept me from blogging lately.

  - first a dog ate my phone. well ate my case attempted to eat my phone and somewhat succeeded.
  - best friend came to town
  - dr appointments. for her and for me :( i was literally out of commission for over a week
  - CONSTRUCTIONNNN. they are building next door to us and the cut our internet off by mistake for about 5 days. miserable right???
  -start of a new semester/internship/schedule=hectic by itself
  -lack of inspiration. sorry guys its true. i kinda have been busy dealing with other things and lost my voice. surprising to me as well.

enough about that. ive found my next topic to "catch everyone up on" our stay in the NICU. for those of you who dont know, that is the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

it was not my intention in the preggo post to go into the details of how difficult my pregnancy was. honestly other than my parents, im not sure how many people in my life know what we went through.  early on i was very private because it was extremely stressful for me emotionally. it was hard for me to answer questions on the subject so in an attempt to minimize the drama in our lives we kept very quiet.

after she was born and we went to the NICU i tried to also remain very private about our struggle. i was trying desperately to remain strong and keep my focus on her and be at my best if at all possible. i realized then that it was harder for me to avoid it and keep it to myself than it would be to just answer the questions and move on.

very early in my pregnancy, i began to have biweekly biophysical profiles on the baby followed shortly after by an amniocentesis. our biweekly 'checkups' continued throughout my pregnancy. Considering i was a newlywed, fulltime student at a new college, this caused a very busy schedule and high stress :(
obviously everything turned out great! but when you are in a situation its hard to see the best way to handle it or focus on how great it will probably end up being.

annnyway. after my section, we spent 4 days in the hospital. we went home on a friday. Saturday afternoon we were laying in bed watching tv. she was snoozing and her sassy fell out of her mouth. i looked down to pick it up and she was blue.

literally almost navy blue in my arms.

of course i immediately jumped out of the bed and began patting and CPR. i yelled out partially out of fear, partially out of pain and for help. i wouldnt change it but i didnt think before i jumped. it felt like i ripped my incision open. i was about to fall over. michael took her and continued what i started. i watched her open her eyes and pink up. but she just stared at us. it was like time stopped. she just stared. she never gasped she never cried. she just had her eyes wide open staring at us.

we ran out of my parents house and got in the car. my parents were in the yard i just yelled as loud as i could. they ran to us and i just remember crying she stopped breathing we are going to the emergency room please come. of course they did.

we walked in the emergency room and i had to be put in a wheel chair and the nurse took her i was crying scared to death and in excruciating pain.

**side note: we received excellent care at the baptist! we really did. however in the ER there was a nurse who brought the xray machine into our little area. laid elizabeth ann down on a grown persons bed and let go and moved away to put the heavy body cover thing on. she almost slid off the bed. i had a heart attack. i almost jumped out to grab her luckily the nurse got her. i yelled at her. once i settled down she said, 

you sure are protective to be such a young mother. how old are you?

i just about lost it. i said im 22 how old are you that you dont know to not walk away from a baby on the bed. she proceeded to tell me how much younger i look than i actually am. basically to be sorry for her mistake. didnt help her case.

anyway

we were admitted to the NICU late that night. my mom went home and packed stuff for us and our stay began. let me just say if it wasnt for our friends and family we would have starved and been wearing the same clothes for a week. my mother in law came every day and my mom came every night to help. we are so blessed.

my parents packed some stuff for us because we stayed with her nonstop. we stayed in a room about 15 feet by 5 feet. there were two chairs that folded out into twin beds, a rocking chair and then her equipment.  it had a bathroom about the size of an average closet with a stand up shower toilet and sink. our sweet little 5 pound baby girl was constantly hooked up to several monitors. for a week i had to hold her right next to her bed, cords and all. 

of course i was trying to breastfeed. she would latch and suck 20 minutes on each side she did so good to be so small. however she kept getting smaller and she cried relentlessly. and i couldnt see that she was hungry, which is ironic because i was trying so hard to stay on top of things for her.

this is her first bath other than the immediate one after delivery. that is my arm next to her body if that helps you scale how little our precious girl was.

**side note: this is where i felt majorly guilty about not having the instant bond. i was so emotionally warped after just giving birth i couldnt see what was right in front of me. after weighing her and seeing how much weight she was losing and pumping to see that i was only producing about an ounce a day. i felt inconsolably guilty and ashamed. 

i will post another time in depth about this and how to deal.

back to the irony, i was having a really difficult time keeping my cool. we continued to write down everything like we did when we first were at the hospital. every time she fed and i pumped (every 2 hours 24 hours a day) every time doctors did their rounds, every result of every test. meaning we got barely any sleep. the little we did get was because my mom was there awake while we slept. yes all three of us in there with her. it was pretty overwhelming. like i said if not for family and friends we would have starved. we literally never left the room. people brought us lunch and dinner. 

I ended up gaining weight. the 4 liters of fluid they gave me for my section, never came off (probably due to stress). my legs were so full of fluid i couldnt walk. i had to wheel over to my obgyn so that they could look at my legs. I ended up having to be given something to help my body release the fluid and we discovered my incision was infected.

it was only a skin infection but i feel pretty certain that it was a direct result of being in a 15x5 foot room and taking 5 minute showers and not being able to rest the way i should have after that major surgery. 

so again, in an attempt to stay on my "A-game" i ended up making the situation harder for myself.  mothers, we have to take care of ourselves first! i ended up having to stop taking care of her so i could get taken care of which was much worse than just taking care of myself in the first place. 

luckily my dr was in the same building, so i was only a few halls away and only for an hour but it was the longest hour of my life.

back to elizabeth ann, the doctors did chest xrays, head ultrasound, heart echos, blood work, and 7 days of strict and constant observation. the only thing that came of it was a case of infant apnea and the discussion of SIDS and how lucky we were that she was in my arms.

this isnt how we were when she turned blue this is just how she liked to snuggle.

hearing that your child was almost a victim of SIDS. top 5 scariest sentences ive ever heard. but he was right we were so so lucky. he sent us home with a heart monitor that she was on until the end of july. Thankfully we never had to go back to the hospital with any more apnea spells further showing the great likelyhood of her being an almost victim of SIDS.

i want to try to describe the fear that i felt and still feel. its not the textbook definition of im afraid for my childs life.  its more a fear of life happening to your child. for me, it has become a constant battle. i felt on edge and at peoples throats. i think its more anxiety. but its not anything like what people describe to try to "prepare you" 

i want her to have the best always not really the best material wise. just the best care. im fearful that if she doesnt have the best, it could result in a problem. 

ill work on my description and get back to you


here are a few pictures of that first week we were in the NICU please ignore me in these pictures

here she is!

she really hated that bath!

the rocking chair. to MY left were the cords and her bed and monitors

she was so little! we got done to 4.8. but she was 19 inches long which makes 4.8 seem much smaller
she was wearing preemie clothes in both the above pictures

this is the lamb that we take her monthly pictures with! she used it as a blanket! miss my tiny baby girl

thanks for continuing to come by even though i dont post consistently 

see you sooner rather than later ;) 

Try It Out Thursday

so obviously i meant to post this yesterday so just pretend this was posted on thursday. i cant come up with any clever friday titles.

here is a recipe that my dad gave me. it is so so easy and really delicious! 

im honestly not sure what it is named exactly but here's what you will need.

     -pork tenderloin

     - goat cheese

     -1 can of chicken broth

     -bacon

     -2 cups of rice

     -1/2 stick of butter

     -salt

First, take your tenderloin and cut about 3/4 of the way into it down the middle. 

Take your goat cheese slice it up into strips and place it through the center where you cut.

Then lay bacon strips in a flat row, put your tenderloin on top of it then use the bacon to close the tenderloin back up. use tooth picks to secure it.

Put two cups of rice in your casserole dish, add 1 can of chicken broth and 2 cups of water. should look something like this

Put the bacon-wrapped, cheese-stuffed tenderloin in the dish with the rice.  

Try to move the rice around so that majority of it is on either side of the tenderloin

i looked under the dish to check it out, i was by myself so this is the best pic i could get of the underside after i had moved the rice around.

Take your half stick of butter cut it up and place slices sporadically around either side of the tender loin salt either side as well.

Cover with tin foil or glass lid if you have one that goes with your dish.

Cook for 45-60 minutes on 350

Voila!

it was obviously delicious and really conveinent. Now you have really good rice not the minute kind the kind that normally takes an hour in a double boiler. and your tender meat with tons of flavor and cheese i mean what isnt good with a little cheese added?

sorry im a day late but try it out :) 

thanks for continuing to come by! see you soon!

Happy Anniversary

So, yesterday was the big 1 year. i could really go hard core lovey to the point of gross. however id rather just tell you about our day/night. it was awesome! we had so much fun.  it was pretty low key when you look at the basics of what we did but its the fact that we actually got a chance to remember that we can have fun doing nothing as long as we are together. ok that was my cheesy moment. 

here is the overall list.
    -room at the hyatt place by renissance
    -dinner at biaggi's
    -walmart while waiting on the movie to start
    -a movie
    -then bailing on movie
    -then back to the hyatt

now to the details. i went ahead and went to the room to get ready. michael met me there about 530? he came in and i gave him his card and i expected a card, but i didnt get one.........

he made me a slide show instead! it was all pictures of us and music by some of our favorite artists about love. ok maybe that was my cheesy moment? ha but anyway, we finished getting ready and then went to biaggis. now since we didnt have elizabeth ann we actually knew what we wanted and had ordered and eaten by 7:06. which means we had been there a total of 30ish minutes.

                 i naturally pouted about us being boring old married people so quickly, which sparked an interesting conversation about having some drinks and staying a little longer. the most i have had to drink since august 2011 has been 3 amaretto sours, which i think is practically candy. this is a key ingredient to the "interesting" part of our conversation.

im not sure how, but we ended up on me taking a shot of my choice and him having a beer. i know it started with reading the cocktail list and not wanting any of theirs. they all sounded very strange. im as finicky of a drinker as i am an eater so im kinda hard to please. dont be offended if you love the drinks at biaggis. so. we decided a shot was the safest choice....yes shot and safest choice in one sentence. im pretty much limited to vodka or tequila when i drink. 

when i mentioned tequila michael made a face so of course i had to prove i could do it. however i wasnt expected what they brought me.

possibly one of the biggest shots ive ever seen. other than the shots they were giving a group of us at an engagement party in summer of 2011. and that is a lime not a lemon but it looks like a lemon. so apparently biaggis thinks that this is a single shot of patron. took me multiple tries to get it all down butttt

mission accomplished

after that extra 35 minutes we left and decided to use our movie passes that we got in dirty santa to go to a movie, Silver Linings Playbook. it didnt start until 10 so we decided to go to walmart and pick up a couple things....total parents. trying to use time efficiently. got some stuff for some pinterest projects we are working on for around the house. we actually tried michaels first which of course was a bust. im a total HOBBY LOBBY girl all the way.

    when we finished at walmart we went back to the movie stood in front of the door to our theatre and took pictures of ourselves. im sure people thought we were insane but we didnt care we made ourselves at home. at 9:40 we decided this movie wouldnt be over until really late and we still had to eat our cake! we decided to bail and we actually were able to get a refund since the movie hadnt started!

whoo hoo for malco!

So we went back to the Hyatt which was also really nice! we loved our room.

     now one of my friends asked, why a hotel in your hometown? well we really just wanted to get out but neither of us wanted to leave town without elizabeth ann. its also just a strange peace of mind to be in a place that everything is already clean and ready to go. there are virtually no consequences to eating in the bed and leaving your plate on the night stand. not to mention the fact that I as a woman, am easily distracted. if we were at home id be thinking about all the things i could be doing or getting michael's help with or a project for our master that has nothing but mismatched furniture in it and nothing but our tv on the wall.
this way we could truly relax and know our daughter was being taken care of and watched like a hawk and we could just kick back and have other people cater to us! 
so, we tried to stay at the hilton on county line in the room we stayed in on our wedding night. but that didnt work out due to problems on their end. so we decided to start a new tradition! we actually loved it and i cant wait to do it again next year! maybe not biaggis every year but staying by renaissance gives us close proximity to shopping and a spa and movies and restaurants and a bar! plenty of entertainment and ways to enjoy each others company safely for years to come. 

we truly had a blast, even just riding around in madison. we saw two, count 'em TWO older couples parking. one in Michael's parking lot and one in Wal-Mart parking lot. they were having a major old-fashioned make out sessions. we saw them going in and coming out! it was hilarious. we joked about going whereever elizabeth ann is and doing that and hearing a tap on the window and a muffled scream, 

   "MOM?? DAD?? GROSS WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME!"

haha! our response would of course be, oh hey honey did you say you'd be at the movies tonight? i am so sorry!

we are going to be interesting parents of preteens/teens. i love my hubby. =)

there are so many more things i could say and post but i dont feel like words are even doing the experiences i shared justice. and even though i was still a total mom and forgot to put my tan on and i didnt have my toes painted and i of course didnt wear any jewelry in preparation for elizabeth ann to pull it off (force of habit), i was on cloud nine. i still think michael enjoyed me being dressed up. he smiled a lot so i think the outfit was a hit.

all that aside, it was a perfect night just in and of itself. i got treated like a total princess with the man of my dreams acting like the weird people we are. what could be more perfect than that regardless of what we did?!

here are some pics! hope you enjoy our retarded-ness :) thanks for coming by and reliving our anniversary! see you soon

outside the movie theater...had to rock the updo due to the weather!

we thought we should feed it to each other again, we werent as graceful this go-round.

top tier and champagne. and yes that is my cake plate that i brought from home.

hey.....presentation is everything.

love ya. ;)

this may be my longest one yet

i have been a badddd blogger. a very very bad blogger. so sorry for the long delay. i have felt like tigger this week. i have been bouncing all over the place trying to get the last details in line for this semester. we will get to my school issues another day. lets try to go back to just after the c section.

so as i said, i was terrified of that pain i was describing in my collar bone last week. but like the doctor told me, it was fine and i made it through it. michael had already followed her to our room by this point and she had not been revealed to any of our families yet. this is where things start to get a little fuzzy for me.

**side note: this is where it came in handy that we wrote down everything! literally everything. from the time we got checked in, to when she pooped, to when they changed my dressings....like i said everything. it really helps me to relive the day. also, when the nurses come in everything seems jumbled up to you. it is probably in the middle of the night, youve probably had a million guests, little to no sleep and emotions are flying extreeeemmely high. it really helped when a my new nurse came in or when elizabeth ann's nurse came in (you will have a baby nurse and a momma nurse both with plenty of questions for you) for me to just be able to look at my page of notes for the day and say ok she ate this at this time, or i had perkaset last at whatever time. it makes you feel informed and it makes the nurses talk to you with more respect. NOT to hate on nurses. i hope to be a nurse one day. but sometimes all their rooms run together or they are tired too etc etc. they are just women like us! so it made the experience more enjoyable for everyone involved.

back to the fuzz. i remember being wheeled into our "post partum" room and feeling very sick and itchy! apparently those are side effects of the meds in a spinal. i nursed and then they continued to do checks on her and do her little foot prints etc. my eyelids were so heavy!! looking back at pics thats probably because they were full of fluid  

that was about as much as i could move when laying down on my back. i look squinty but i couldnt open my eyes any more than that. then the itchy and the queasiness realllllly kicked in. i threw up twice and scratched my chin and nose so much the skin was peeling off. pleasant and beautiful right? wrong! i put aquaphor on after they shot me up with itchy meds and zofran for the nausea. 

continuing on....

my parents came in and we videoed them seeing her for the first time, same with michaels parents. after an amount of time that is unknown to me without my notes, we moved to our room where we would stay for the next 4 days. more people came in than i can tell you. we were so lucky to have such supportive family members there first thing in the morning. about noon i was exhausted, itchy, wanted my baby, and i was surrounded by tons of people. a nurse came in asking me questions about the feeling in my legs and my body in general and how the baby was and what she had done lately, all while taking my vitals and while literally 15 people were in the room.  This was the time when michael and i had planned to use the phrase, " i need a break" to get one of us to clear the room. everyone was just talking and oohing over elizabeth ann and michael couldnt hear me. the nurse was talking to me and we were trying to write down what she was saying and keep our eyes on the baby and i looked over and said

"hey michael, i need a break.....michael i need a break....

I NEED A BREAK!!"

the whole room got quiet and my mom said, oookay everyone lets step out for a minute while the nurse checks her. im sure everyone thought i was a lunatic. i was so emotional and nervous and hungry and and and and!!!! the list goes on. it happens... i hope all the mothers in the room understood. hopefully anyone else who was there now understands and in the future i hope all of you understand for new mothers!

check out this picture and tell me if you notice how crazy i felt

yeah... even when i talk to michael. neither of us remember me being so drugged up. to me its fuzzy because it went so fast. michael said i just acted tired. but i wasnt i just couldnt keep my eyes open! for those of you who know my mother, you will really appreciate this next part. if ever it got down to just a two or three people i would try to rest and she would lean over to whoever was by her and whisper

"look shes falling asleep and doesnt even realize it"

and every time id say,  "mom. seriously i can hear you."
never stopped her from thinking it was unintentional (except for the early hours, it was still very early in this picture.) she was puffy. i was puffy. but we made it. later that day i got up and walked around cleaned the room etc. we didnt really want to send her to the nursery. but by the time everyone left, i fed elizabeth ann she went back to sleep and michael and i did our "talks" with the camcorder it was after midnight. Neither of us were quite ready to be that asleep with her. i dont know why. so at quarter to 1 we reluctantly sent her to the nursery. So reluctantly that the first night was the only night we sent her. We wanted her with us. always. she was such a joy to watch and she snuggled right from day one. 

So day two, the 25, they brought her back to me about 6 am updated me on her feeding and her jaundice and hearing tests etc. then we started our day again. i had my iv removed late the day before so i was dying for a shower but scared to death!! after breakfast i finally went to the bathroom, another deadly fear. and showered by myself. well, as alone as i could.

**side note: something no one warned me of. everyone tells you when you go to the bathroom its going to be difficult to go, they have cut all your abdominal muscles in half. its not going to be pretty just be patient dont strain your stomach. TMI i know, and honestly that part wasnt that bad. but here is what they DONT tell you. its going to hurt the first time you teetee!!!!!!!!!! oh my word i almost screamed. i was not expecting any pain so maybe thats why i think it hurt so bad but man, seriously. i relaxed to try to potty and i had to stop. it took me 10 minutes to teetee because i had to take breaks. apparently relaxing the muscle used to potty, contracts another muscle or maybe it was my bladder contracting i dont know and i dont care just prepare yourself because it hurts.

and moving on....until the end of the second day, i felt great! i was walking around, tidying up my room curled my hair. i wasnt taking any pain meds. i was rockin it. luckily, my friend also a nurse came by to see me and the baby late on the second day. i was walking across the room when suddenly an intense stabbing/stretching pain took over my stomach and down my right thigh. i stopped midstep and tears came streaming down. i was frozen in the middle of the room. Michael had went to get food downstairs and left us to gab. when he came back, (shortly after thank goodness) they had to get on either side of me and to lift me evenly to help me back to the bed. the pain got worse from there on. i could not bend over. i could not squat. i could not pull with my arms because i would accidentally flex my stomach. i never realized how many times a day i flexed some part of my stomach to do things that do not involve my stomach at all. so this should give you an idea of how much of getting dressed, undressed, getting off the potty, stepping up steps, getting in and out of the bed that i was truly doing alone...

this is where the beautiful part of how your marriage changes when you have a child comes in. 

Michael was the most caring, sensitive, loving man i have ever met during this time. i cherish those days so much. our love grew TREMENDOUSLY. you see the man you love in a whole new light. as i mentioned, im painfully modest. obviously he has seen me before but i was hormonal and my body was all weird and its awkward and i was in pain, girls you know what im getting at (ill spare you the graphics) but watching him bend over backwards to help me maintain my self respect? maybe thats the wrong word. dignity? composure? all of the above? anyway. watching him graciously help me maintain all of those things without remembering it was unbelievably reassuring to me. it was always like it never happened. on the second day i think it took 15 minutes for me to step out up over the lip on the shower to get out. and he just stood there held my towel (because i was holding the bars) and looked in my eyes and encouraged me. i never felt like i was being watched or rushed. he coached and was totally zoned in to my face. not because he was afraid or grossed out, but because he knew how hard those moments were for me and he would do anything to ease my pain even if it was mental pain.
       that is love. 
it would have been so easy and much quicker to just do it however he wanted and disregarding my privacy or whatever i thought i had left. but he didnt. i could not have made it without michael. i have never felt so respected in my entire life. and that is saying a lot considering the days immediately following giving birth are usually the ones where our personal space and privacy is most invaded than it ever will be. and no it wouldnt have helped me to have my mom or a girlfriend helping me. that may have even been worse. please dont try to understand youll go crazy. i sometimes wonder as well how a girl as modest as i somehow got married in january and had a baby in april but it happens to the best of us. back to the real deal, it needed to be michael helping me. this was us. our family, our daughter, my body. we needed to lean on each other. i needed to let him help me and trust in him completely to take care of me and make sure my drs and nurses were taking care of me as well. (if no one has told you this, i will. always in any scenerio check and double check behind the doctors and make sure you understand and ask plenty of questions and get the same answer more than once from that doctor. they are human too. we all need someone checking up on the things we do.) 

ok seriously staying on topic this time...just so much i want to tell you!

like i said, i needed to and had to lean on him to handle things almost 100% and he needed me to let him do those things. it sounds silly but one day when you have a child you will remember this. just make a mental note of this. youll thank me later.

he is an incredible man and so genuinely loving and compassionate. i feel like he needs his own post for the backbends he did for me and me alone those four days.

i saw him in a completely different light. something about us changed. not as parents. as husband and wife. i am forever grateful and i will never forget those days. please enjoy this time with your spouse. you will have the rest of your days to love and enjoy and cherish your new baby. trust me they will take over your life before you know it. but those few days in the hospital are your only chance to truly have time to praise one another for the unbelievably amazing life you two just created. after those days, you are all about sleep deprivation, diapers, and trying to find time to get a bath (for a while). parenthood is great but please heed my advice,

**focus on growing with your spouse during those first life changing days.

all of those words and i still do not feel like i conveyed truly how amazingly blessed, loved, respected, cherished, admired, special, and beautiful i felt when i talked to michael. 

to be describe it with a little less mushiness, i felt fat and flabby most of the time but michael would look over and say something completely random and/or something that sounds silly like, "do you want me to help you adjust your covers?" or "we have a thug baby in this hat you bought her" and that was all i needed to forget i had so much fluid on me that my lips were about to pop and i was not pregnant and still weighed more than 130 pounds.

here are some shots of michael that show a tiny bit of the love that he had to give over those four days. i tried to stay away from the camera but he was very loving to our new daughter too.

ok ill stop making myself and maybe you cry.


all that pain that i had and continued to have for several weeks aside, we really did have a perfect experience at the Baptist. I HIGHLY recommend it to any woman who plans on having a child. we had one nurse who stayed with us the last 3 days, Karla. she was the best she was probably late fifties. petite salt and pepper hair. very simple. no make up that was visible. and she buzzed when she walked. she was so sweet and caring. she made me so comfortable. 

im sorry for the delay in post i hope you made it through all of that. thank you for sharing my journey with me! be back tomorrow for more! :)