lately

so here is a list of the things that have kept me from blogging lately.

  - first a dog ate my phone. well ate my case attempted to eat my phone and somewhat succeeded.
  - best friend came to town
  - dr appointments. for her and for me :( i was literally out of commission for over a week
  - CONSTRUCTIONNNN. they are building next door to us and the cut our internet off by mistake for about 5 days. miserable right???
  -start of a new semester/internship/schedule=hectic by itself
  -lack of inspiration. sorry guys its true. i kinda have been busy dealing with other things and lost my voice. surprising to me as well.

enough about that. ive found my next topic to "catch everyone up on" our stay in the NICU. for those of you who dont know, that is the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

it was not my intention in the preggo post to go into the details of how difficult my pregnancy was. honestly other than my parents, im not sure how many people in my life know what we went through.  early on i was very private because it was extremely stressful for me emotionally. it was hard for me to answer questions on the subject so in an attempt to minimize the drama in our lives we kept very quiet.

after she was born and we went to the NICU i tried to also remain very private about our struggle. i was trying desperately to remain strong and keep my focus on her and be at my best if at all possible. i realized then that it was harder for me to avoid it and keep it to myself than it would be to just answer the questions and move on.

very early in my pregnancy, i began to have biweekly biophysical profiles on the baby followed shortly after by an amniocentesis. our biweekly 'checkups' continued throughout my pregnancy. Considering i was a newlywed, fulltime student at a new college, this caused a very busy schedule and high stress :(
obviously everything turned out great! but when you are in a situation its hard to see the best way to handle it or focus on how great it will probably end up being.

annnyway. after my section, we spent 4 days in the hospital. we went home on a friday. Saturday afternoon we were laying in bed watching tv. she was snoozing and her sassy fell out of her mouth. i looked down to pick it up and she was blue.

literally almost navy blue in my arms.

of course i immediately jumped out of the bed and began patting and CPR. i yelled out partially out of fear, partially out of pain and for help. i wouldnt change it but i didnt think before i jumped. it felt like i ripped my incision open. i was about to fall over. michael took her and continued what i started. i watched her open her eyes and pink up. but she just stared at us. it was like time stopped. she just stared. she never gasped she never cried. she just had her eyes wide open staring at us.

we ran out of my parents house and got in the car. my parents were in the yard i just yelled as loud as i could. they ran to us and i just remember crying she stopped breathing we are going to the emergency room please come. of course they did.

we walked in the emergency room and i had to be put in a wheel chair and the nurse took her i was crying scared to death and in excruciating pain.

**side note: we received excellent care at the baptist! we really did. however in the ER there was a nurse who brought the xray machine into our little area. laid elizabeth ann down on a grown persons bed and let go and moved away to put the heavy body cover thing on. she almost slid off the bed. i had a heart attack. i almost jumped out to grab her luckily the nurse got her. i yelled at her. once i settled down she said, 

you sure are protective to be such a young mother. how old are you?

i just about lost it. i said im 22 how old are you that you dont know to not walk away from a baby on the bed. she proceeded to tell me how much younger i look than i actually am. basically to be sorry for her mistake. didnt help her case.

anyway

we were admitted to the NICU late that night. my mom went home and packed stuff for us and our stay began. let me just say if it wasnt for our friends and family we would have starved and been wearing the same clothes for a week. my mother in law came every day and my mom came every night to help. we are so blessed.

my parents packed some stuff for us because we stayed with her nonstop. we stayed in a room about 15 feet by 5 feet. there were two chairs that folded out into twin beds, a rocking chair and then her equipment.  it had a bathroom about the size of an average closet with a stand up shower toilet and sink. our sweet little 5 pound baby girl was constantly hooked up to several monitors. for a week i had to hold her right next to her bed, cords and all. 

of course i was trying to breastfeed. she would latch and suck 20 minutes on each side she did so good to be so small. however she kept getting smaller and she cried relentlessly. and i couldnt see that she was hungry, which is ironic because i was trying so hard to stay on top of things for her.

this is her first bath other than the immediate one after delivery. that is my arm next to her body if that helps you scale how little our precious girl was.

**side note: this is where i felt majorly guilty about not having the instant bond. i was so emotionally warped after just giving birth i couldnt see what was right in front of me. after weighing her and seeing how much weight she was losing and pumping to see that i was only producing about an ounce a day. i felt inconsolably guilty and ashamed. 

i will post another time in depth about this and how to deal.

back to the irony, i was having a really difficult time keeping my cool. we continued to write down everything like we did when we first were at the hospital. every time she fed and i pumped (every 2 hours 24 hours a day) every time doctors did their rounds, every result of every test. meaning we got barely any sleep. the little we did get was because my mom was there awake while we slept. yes all three of us in there with her. it was pretty overwhelming. like i said if not for family and friends we would have starved. we literally never left the room. people brought us lunch and dinner. 

I ended up gaining weight. the 4 liters of fluid they gave me for my section, never came off (probably due to stress). my legs were so full of fluid i couldnt walk. i had to wheel over to my obgyn so that they could look at my legs. I ended up having to be given something to help my body release the fluid and we discovered my incision was infected.

it was only a skin infection but i feel pretty certain that it was a direct result of being in a 15x5 foot room and taking 5 minute showers and not being able to rest the way i should have after that major surgery. 

so again, in an attempt to stay on my "A-game" i ended up making the situation harder for myself.  mothers, we have to take care of ourselves first! i ended up having to stop taking care of her so i could get taken care of which was much worse than just taking care of myself in the first place. 

luckily my dr was in the same building, so i was only a few halls away and only for an hour but it was the longest hour of my life.

back to elizabeth ann, the doctors did chest xrays, head ultrasound, heart echos, blood work, and 7 days of strict and constant observation. the only thing that came of it was a case of infant apnea and the discussion of SIDS and how lucky we were that she was in my arms.

this isnt how we were when she turned blue this is just how she liked to snuggle.

hearing that your child was almost a victim of SIDS. top 5 scariest sentences ive ever heard. but he was right we were so so lucky. he sent us home with a heart monitor that she was on until the end of july. Thankfully we never had to go back to the hospital with any more apnea spells further showing the great likelyhood of her being an almost victim of SIDS.

i want to try to describe the fear that i felt and still feel. its not the textbook definition of im afraid for my childs life.  its more a fear of life happening to your child. for me, it has become a constant battle. i felt on edge and at peoples throats. i think its more anxiety. but its not anything like what people describe to try to "prepare you" 

i want her to have the best always not really the best material wise. just the best care. im fearful that if she doesnt have the best, it could result in a problem. 

ill work on my description and get back to you


here are a few pictures of that first week we were in the NICU please ignore me in these pictures

here she is!

she really hated that bath!

the rocking chair. to MY left were the cords and her bed and monitors

she was so little! we got done to 4.8. but she was 19 inches long which makes 4.8 seem much smaller
she was wearing preemie clothes in both the above pictures

this is the lamb that we take her monthly pictures with! she used it as a blanket! miss my tiny baby girl

thanks for continuing to come by even though i dont post consistently 

see you sooner rather than later ;) 

Try It Out Thursday

so obviously i meant to post this yesterday so just pretend this was posted on thursday. i cant come up with any clever friday titles.

here is a recipe that my dad gave me. it is so so easy and really delicious! 

im honestly not sure what it is named exactly but here's what you will need.

     -pork tenderloin

     - goat cheese

     -1 can of chicken broth

     -bacon

     -2 cups of rice

     -1/2 stick of butter

     -salt

First, take your tenderloin and cut about 3/4 of the way into it down the middle. 

Take your goat cheese slice it up into strips and place it through the center where you cut.

Then lay bacon strips in a flat row, put your tenderloin on top of it then use the bacon to close the tenderloin back up. use tooth picks to secure it.

Put two cups of rice in your casserole dish, add 1 can of chicken broth and 2 cups of water. should look something like this

Put the bacon-wrapped, cheese-stuffed tenderloin in the dish with the rice.  

Try to move the rice around so that majority of it is on either side of the tenderloin

i looked under the dish to check it out, i was by myself so this is the best pic i could get of the underside after i had moved the rice around.

Take your half stick of butter cut it up and place slices sporadically around either side of the tender loin salt either side as well.

Cover with tin foil or glass lid if you have one that goes with your dish.

Cook for 45-60 minutes on 350

Voila!

it was obviously delicious and really conveinent. Now you have really good rice not the minute kind the kind that normally takes an hour in a double boiler. and your tender meat with tons of flavor and cheese i mean what isnt good with a little cheese added?

sorry im a day late but try it out :) 

thanks for continuing to come by! see you soon!

Happy Anniversary

So, yesterday was the big 1 year. i could really go hard core lovey to the point of gross. however id rather just tell you about our day/night. it was awesome! we had so much fun.  it was pretty low key when you look at the basics of what we did but its the fact that we actually got a chance to remember that we can have fun doing nothing as long as we are together. ok that was my cheesy moment. 

here is the overall list.
    -room at the hyatt place by renissance
    -dinner at biaggi's
    -walmart while waiting on the movie to start
    -a movie
    -then bailing on movie
    -then back to the hyatt

now to the details. i went ahead and went to the room to get ready. michael met me there about 530? he came in and i gave him his card and i expected a card, but i didnt get one.........

he made me a slide show instead! it was all pictures of us and music by some of our favorite artists about love. ok maybe that was my cheesy moment? ha but anyway, we finished getting ready and then went to biaggis. now since we didnt have elizabeth ann we actually knew what we wanted and had ordered and eaten by 7:06. which means we had been there a total of 30ish minutes.

                 i naturally pouted about us being boring old married people so quickly, which sparked an interesting conversation about having some drinks and staying a little longer. the most i have had to drink since august 2011 has been 3 amaretto sours, which i think is practically candy. this is a key ingredient to the "interesting" part of our conversation.

im not sure how, but we ended up on me taking a shot of my choice and him having a beer. i know it started with reading the cocktail list and not wanting any of theirs. they all sounded very strange. im as finicky of a drinker as i am an eater so im kinda hard to please. dont be offended if you love the drinks at biaggis. so. we decided a shot was the safest choice....yes shot and safest choice in one sentence. im pretty much limited to vodka or tequila when i drink. 

when i mentioned tequila michael made a face so of course i had to prove i could do it. however i wasnt expected what they brought me.

possibly one of the biggest shots ive ever seen. other than the shots they were giving a group of us at an engagement party in summer of 2011. and that is a lime not a lemon but it looks like a lemon. so apparently biaggis thinks that this is a single shot of patron. took me multiple tries to get it all down butttt

mission accomplished

after that extra 35 minutes we left and decided to use our movie passes that we got in dirty santa to go to a movie, Silver Linings Playbook. it didnt start until 10 so we decided to go to walmart and pick up a couple things....total parents. trying to use time efficiently. got some stuff for some pinterest projects we are working on for around the house. we actually tried michaels first which of course was a bust. im a total HOBBY LOBBY girl all the way.

    when we finished at walmart we went back to the movie stood in front of the door to our theatre and took pictures of ourselves. im sure people thought we were insane but we didnt care we made ourselves at home. at 9:40 we decided this movie wouldnt be over until really late and we still had to eat our cake! we decided to bail and we actually were able to get a refund since the movie hadnt started!

whoo hoo for malco!

So we went back to the Hyatt which was also really nice! we loved our room.

     now one of my friends asked, why a hotel in your hometown? well we really just wanted to get out but neither of us wanted to leave town without elizabeth ann. its also just a strange peace of mind to be in a place that everything is already clean and ready to go. there are virtually no consequences to eating in the bed and leaving your plate on the night stand. not to mention the fact that I as a woman, am easily distracted. if we were at home id be thinking about all the things i could be doing or getting michael's help with or a project for our master that has nothing but mismatched furniture in it and nothing but our tv on the wall.
this way we could truly relax and know our daughter was being taken care of and watched like a hawk and we could just kick back and have other people cater to us! 
so, we tried to stay at the hilton on county line in the room we stayed in on our wedding night. but that didnt work out due to problems on their end. so we decided to start a new tradition! we actually loved it and i cant wait to do it again next year! maybe not biaggis every year but staying by renaissance gives us close proximity to shopping and a spa and movies and restaurants and a bar! plenty of entertainment and ways to enjoy each others company safely for years to come. 

we truly had a blast, even just riding around in madison. we saw two, count 'em TWO older couples parking. one in Michael's parking lot and one in Wal-Mart parking lot. they were having a major old-fashioned make out sessions. we saw them going in and coming out! it was hilarious. we joked about going whereever elizabeth ann is and doing that and hearing a tap on the window and a muffled scream, 

   "MOM?? DAD?? GROSS WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME!"

haha! our response would of course be, oh hey honey did you say you'd be at the movies tonight? i am so sorry!

we are going to be interesting parents of preteens/teens. i love my hubby. =)

there are so many more things i could say and post but i dont feel like words are even doing the experiences i shared justice. and even though i was still a total mom and forgot to put my tan on and i didnt have my toes painted and i of course didnt wear any jewelry in preparation for elizabeth ann to pull it off (force of habit), i was on cloud nine. i still think michael enjoyed me being dressed up. he smiled a lot so i think the outfit was a hit.

all that aside, it was a perfect night just in and of itself. i got treated like a total princess with the man of my dreams acting like the weird people we are. what could be more perfect than that regardless of what we did?!

here are some pics! hope you enjoy our retarded-ness :) thanks for coming by and reliving our anniversary! see you soon

outside the movie theater...had to rock the updo due to the weather!

we thought we should feed it to each other again, we werent as graceful this go-round.

top tier and champagne. and yes that is my cake plate that i brought from home.

hey.....presentation is everything.

love ya. ;)

this may be my longest one yet

i have been a badddd blogger. a very very bad blogger. so sorry for the long delay. i have felt like tigger this week. i have been bouncing all over the place trying to get the last details in line for this semester. we will get to my school issues another day. lets try to go back to just after the c section.

so as i said, i was terrified of that pain i was describing in my collar bone last week. but like the doctor told me, it was fine and i made it through it. michael had already followed her to our room by this point and she had not been revealed to any of our families yet. this is where things start to get a little fuzzy for me.

**side note: this is where it came in handy that we wrote down everything! literally everything. from the time we got checked in, to when she pooped, to when they changed my dressings....like i said everything. it really helps me to relive the day. also, when the nurses come in everything seems jumbled up to you. it is probably in the middle of the night, youve probably had a million guests, little to no sleep and emotions are flying extreeeemmely high. it really helped when a my new nurse came in or when elizabeth ann's nurse came in (you will have a baby nurse and a momma nurse both with plenty of questions for you) for me to just be able to look at my page of notes for the day and say ok she ate this at this time, or i had perkaset last at whatever time. it makes you feel informed and it makes the nurses talk to you with more respect. NOT to hate on nurses. i hope to be a nurse one day. but sometimes all their rooms run together or they are tired too etc etc. they are just women like us! so it made the experience more enjoyable for everyone involved.

back to the fuzz. i remember being wheeled into our "post partum" room and feeling very sick and itchy! apparently those are side effects of the meds in a spinal. i nursed and then they continued to do checks on her and do her little foot prints etc. my eyelids were so heavy!! looking back at pics thats probably because they were full of fluid  

that was about as much as i could move when laying down on my back. i look squinty but i couldnt open my eyes any more than that. then the itchy and the queasiness realllllly kicked in. i threw up twice and scratched my chin and nose so much the skin was peeling off. pleasant and beautiful right? wrong! i put aquaphor on after they shot me up with itchy meds and zofran for the nausea. 

continuing on....

my parents came in and we videoed them seeing her for the first time, same with michaels parents. after an amount of time that is unknown to me without my notes, we moved to our room where we would stay for the next 4 days. more people came in than i can tell you. we were so lucky to have such supportive family members there first thing in the morning. about noon i was exhausted, itchy, wanted my baby, and i was surrounded by tons of people. a nurse came in asking me questions about the feeling in my legs and my body in general and how the baby was and what she had done lately, all while taking my vitals and while literally 15 people were in the room.  This was the time when michael and i had planned to use the phrase, " i need a break" to get one of us to clear the room. everyone was just talking and oohing over elizabeth ann and michael couldnt hear me. the nurse was talking to me and we were trying to write down what she was saying and keep our eyes on the baby and i looked over and said

"hey michael, i need a break.....michael i need a break....

I NEED A BREAK!!"

the whole room got quiet and my mom said, oookay everyone lets step out for a minute while the nurse checks her. im sure everyone thought i was a lunatic. i was so emotional and nervous and hungry and and and and!!!! the list goes on. it happens... i hope all the mothers in the room understood. hopefully anyone else who was there now understands and in the future i hope all of you understand for new mothers!

check out this picture and tell me if you notice how crazy i felt

yeah... even when i talk to michael. neither of us remember me being so drugged up. to me its fuzzy because it went so fast. michael said i just acted tired. but i wasnt i just couldnt keep my eyes open! for those of you who know my mother, you will really appreciate this next part. if ever it got down to just a two or three people i would try to rest and she would lean over to whoever was by her and whisper

"look shes falling asleep and doesnt even realize it"

and every time id say,  "mom. seriously i can hear you."
never stopped her from thinking it was unintentional (except for the early hours, it was still very early in this picture.) she was puffy. i was puffy. but we made it. later that day i got up and walked around cleaned the room etc. we didnt really want to send her to the nursery. but by the time everyone left, i fed elizabeth ann she went back to sleep and michael and i did our "talks" with the camcorder it was after midnight. Neither of us were quite ready to be that asleep with her. i dont know why. so at quarter to 1 we reluctantly sent her to the nursery. So reluctantly that the first night was the only night we sent her. We wanted her with us. always. she was such a joy to watch and she snuggled right from day one. 

So day two, the 25, they brought her back to me about 6 am updated me on her feeding and her jaundice and hearing tests etc. then we started our day again. i had my iv removed late the day before so i was dying for a shower but scared to death!! after breakfast i finally went to the bathroom, another deadly fear. and showered by myself. well, as alone as i could.

**side note: something no one warned me of. everyone tells you when you go to the bathroom its going to be difficult to go, they have cut all your abdominal muscles in half. its not going to be pretty just be patient dont strain your stomach. TMI i know, and honestly that part wasnt that bad. but here is what they DONT tell you. its going to hurt the first time you teetee!!!!!!!!!! oh my word i almost screamed. i was not expecting any pain so maybe thats why i think it hurt so bad but man, seriously. i relaxed to try to potty and i had to stop. it took me 10 minutes to teetee because i had to take breaks. apparently relaxing the muscle used to potty, contracts another muscle or maybe it was my bladder contracting i dont know and i dont care just prepare yourself because it hurts.

and moving on....until the end of the second day, i felt great! i was walking around, tidying up my room curled my hair. i wasnt taking any pain meds. i was rockin it. luckily, my friend also a nurse came by to see me and the baby late on the second day. i was walking across the room when suddenly an intense stabbing/stretching pain took over my stomach and down my right thigh. i stopped midstep and tears came streaming down. i was frozen in the middle of the room. Michael had went to get food downstairs and left us to gab. when he came back, (shortly after thank goodness) they had to get on either side of me and to lift me evenly to help me back to the bed. the pain got worse from there on. i could not bend over. i could not squat. i could not pull with my arms because i would accidentally flex my stomach. i never realized how many times a day i flexed some part of my stomach to do things that do not involve my stomach at all. so this should give you an idea of how much of getting dressed, undressed, getting off the potty, stepping up steps, getting in and out of the bed that i was truly doing alone...

this is where the beautiful part of how your marriage changes when you have a child comes in. 

Michael was the most caring, sensitive, loving man i have ever met during this time. i cherish those days so much. our love grew TREMENDOUSLY. you see the man you love in a whole new light. as i mentioned, im painfully modest. obviously he has seen me before but i was hormonal and my body was all weird and its awkward and i was in pain, girls you know what im getting at (ill spare you the graphics) but watching him bend over backwards to help me maintain my self respect? maybe thats the wrong word. dignity? composure? all of the above? anyway. watching him graciously help me maintain all of those things without remembering it was unbelievably reassuring to me. it was always like it never happened. on the second day i think it took 15 minutes for me to step out up over the lip on the shower to get out. and he just stood there held my towel (because i was holding the bars) and looked in my eyes and encouraged me. i never felt like i was being watched or rushed. he coached and was totally zoned in to my face. not because he was afraid or grossed out, but because he knew how hard those moments were for me and he would do anything to ease my pain even if it was mental pain.
       that is love. 
it would have been so easy and much quicker to just do it however he wanted and disregarding my privacy or whatever i thought i had left. but he didnt. i could not have made it without michael. i have never felt so respected in my entire life. and that is saying a lot considering the days immediately following giving birth are usually the ones where our personal space and privacy is most invaded than it ever will be. and no it wouldnt have helped me to have my mom or a girlfriend helping me. that may have even been worse. please dont try to understand youll go crazy. i sometimes wonder as well how a girl as modest as i somehow got married in january and had a baby in april but it happens to the best of us. back to the real deal, it needed to be michael helping me. this was us. our family, our daughter, my body. we needed to lean on each other. i needed to let him help me and trust in him completely to take care of me and make sure my drs and nurses were taking care of me as well. (if no one has told you this, i will. always in any scenerio check and double check behind the doctors and make sure you understand and ask plenty of questions and get the same answer more than once from that doctor. they are human too. we all need someone checking up on the things we do.) 

ok seriously staying on topic this time...just so much i want to tell you!

like i said, i needed to and had to lean on him to handle things almost 100% and he needed me to let him do those things. it sounds silly but one day when you have a child you will remember this. just make a mental note of this. youll thank me later.

he is an incredible man and so genuinely loving and compassionate. i feel like he needs his own post for the backbends he did for me and me alone those four days.

i saw him in a completely different light. something about us changed. not as parents. as husband and wife. i am forever grateful and i will never forget those days. please enjoy this time with your spouse. you will have the rest of your days to love and enjoy and cherish your new baby. trust me they will take over your life before you know it. but those few days in the hospital are your only chance to truly have time to praise one another for the unbelievably amazing life you two just created. after those days, you are all about sleep deprivation, diapers, and trying to find time to get a bath (for a while). parenthood is great but please heed my advice,

**focus on growing with your spouse during those first life changing days.

all of those words and i still do not feel like i conveyed truly how amazingly blessed, loved, respected, cherished, admired, special, and beautiful i felt when i talked to michael. 

to be describe it with a little less mushiness, i felt fat and flabby most of the time but michael would look over and say something completely random and/or something that sounds silly like, "do you want me to help you adjust your covers?" or "we have a thug baby in this hat you bought her" and that was all i needed to forget i had so much fluid on me that my lips were about to pop and i was not pregnant and still weighed more than 130 pounds.

here are some shots of michael that show a tiny bit of the love that he had to give over those four days. i tried to stay away from the camera but he was very loving to our new daughter too.

ok ill stop making myself and maybe you cry.


all that pain that i had and continued to have for several weeks aside, we really did have a perfect experience at the Baptist. I HIGHLY recommend it to any woman who plans on having a child. we had one nurse who stayed with us the last 3 days, Karla. she was the best she was probably late fifties. petite salt and pepper hair. very simple. no make up that was visible. and she buzzed when she walked. she was so sweet and caring. she made me so comfortable. 

im sorry for the delay in post i hope you made it through all of that. thank you for sharing my journey with me! be back tomorrow for more! :)

The Post You've been waiting for

so lets see where did we leave off. oh yes, leaving at 430am to go to the hospital.

so i tried several times today to get video off my camcorder (yes a camcorder) on to my computer because supposedly i have everything that i need but apparently, this is not the case. so unfortunately you cant see any of the hilarious video of michael and i walking into the hospital predelivery.

for those of you who dont know, you can tell by a woman's face how close she is to giving birth. my face was so big and so round. my lips looked like they were about to pop. it was time. yes they took her at 37 weeks and 5 days but she was ready to come out!

we went in and signed our final bits of paperwork and i got into my gown and hooked up to all the monitors etc. i was so worried about getting an IV i had never had one before i was pretty nervous. but to my delight the nurse had lidocaine cream! i never felt a stick...well until later. after all that was done and i asked all my questions about what they were giving me, those of you who know me know i have to be involved in everything. i wanted to know exactly what was going on. so by this point it was about 6:00am, i was already having steady contractions and they were not inducing labor! the goal was for me to not go into labor! i told you she was ready to come out.

so i got two bags of fluid before the csection even started. then i had to waddle my scared pregnant tail down to to operating room. alone. well with a nurse. but alone. i was petrified. for liability purposes, only doctors are allowed to be in the operating room when you receive a spinal. so here come the gory details

im sitting on a metal table that is cold first of all. and its freezing in the operating room. and im wearing a thin gown and nothin else. can you see what im getting at? i was shivering i was so cold. and the table is raised up really high for the anesthesiologist so your feet dont touch the ground. anyway. these two men come in who i dont know and i discover they will be giving me the spinal. great. so so modest and two men are about to see my fat preggo butt. lovely.

back to the main event. he asks me to grab my knees chin down and roll my back out. this is to spread the vertebrae apart. i know this. but try doing this when you are almost 40 inches around and you have bad balance and you are shivering and you have nothing to help keep your balance because your feet are dangling. not to mention the fact that i could barely breath leaning back much less leaning forward. so lets add this up

scared + freezing + dangling feet + out-to-here-pregnant = 

too much for one pregnant woman to deal with

so he keeps telling me to be still...so he can stick a huge needle into my spinal cord. no biggie.

**fyi for those of you who have children naturally. epidurals and spinals are totally different. an epidural does not come in direct contact with your spinal cord. the drug simply goes into the spinal cavity which desensitizes the nerves responses making the pain wayyyyyy less. thats why you can still feel pressure because you arent completely numb. the spinal is a one time injection that completely deadens your body. you cannot move AT ALL.

back to my spinal. he gave me two very large injections of lidocaine. the first was to numb the skin but it was a very large dose. ive been introduced to lidocaine due to suspicious moles and it just feels like a bee sting. this was completely different. this was a very intense burning feeling. the second lidocaine shot was to numb everything between my skin and my spinal cord. then came the huge needle. it was a crazy sensation that is going to be hard to describe. all of a sudden my whole body from between my boobs to my toes went cold. it was scary to be honest. i just fell back. glad they knew to catch me and lay me down gently.

keep in mind, all this happened while i was by myself.

they draped me and strapped my arms out on either side. Michael came in and held my hand. well he held the cameras and kept me calm. i kept saying is she out is she out? i was so afraid that she was out and not crying i couldnt calm down. suddenly two doctors yelled simultaneously...

"theres the butt!"

did you read the definition of frank breech last time? HERE is your chance to do it again so you understand why that is what they said. she started crying about 3 seconds later. quite loudly thankfully! she was perfect. covered in gunk but seriously perfect.  

it what seemed like milliseconds, cut the cord, took pictures, and michael followed her over the other side of the operating room to get her cleaned up and weighed and measured. we had just been to the doctor the thursday before delivery and they guessed her weight at 4.10 but.....drumroll please.

She weighed 5.9! 19 inches long!! big girl!! =)

about this time i looked up at the doctor and said, "i know you are watching my heart rate so you should know im about to have a panic attack." of course he asked why. i was having EXTREME sharp pains behind my collar bone. his response was unsettling.

oh thats ok. totally normal. it is probably going to move into your chest just try not to panic.

i was terrified. but i made it through.  we had the absolute perfect experience at Baptist. we were offered something called "private transition" for after her birth. it was an absolutely amazing bonding experience. i dont know about other hospitals. however at baptist, after you nurse, they take the newborn to the nursery for the first 4 hours to be monitored and temperature regulated and given a bath on and on the list goes. we however booked the private transition in advance so that she never had to leave us. A neonatal nurse stayed with us in our room to do all the necessary tests in our room. i was able to hold her and see her and be with her and all of our family was able to do the same. i will never do it any other way. it was well worth the small fee charged for this service. 

as you can see this is very long and there is more to the story. but i got you through the initial part of delivery. we will get to post delivery experiences tomorrow...or today since its after midnight

thanks for hanging in there! more tomorrow! 

The April 24 Prep Post

the big day.
    yes this one will be long...well it will if elizabeth ann stays asleep.

i want to open with tooting my own horn a little. im not sure who knows it, but on April 23 i took 5 finals. we got up and left to go to the hospital at 430 the next morning.

Today we will just go over prep for the big moment. Since most doctors will tell you to fill out your paper work weeks in advance lets start with the packing list. some of these are no brainers, some were just for my comfort level.

top 10: for the mommy (in no particular order. comment for the entire list)

1. Big men's boxer briefs. i did not want anything that hugged my body but post delivery you will want/need some support down there for the huge diaper type pads you have to wear. these were great for that

2. Toiletries. this is the one of the no brainers. make sure you dont forget your shampoo and soap and lotion. lets not forget makeup remover! the hospital ones are like hotel soap, the 2 in 1 stuff that i absolutely cannot stand, dries my hair and skin out. take any product you love that makes you feel super clean. i love my st ives scrub. i always use it when im having me time. you ladies with children know what i mean. you wait until they are asleep or at school or with your mother and you take the longest shower/bath actually make sure you shave your whole leg, exfoliate, moisturize, paint your toenails? you women who havent had children yet, enjoy your chance to do this whenever the mood strikes you while you can. you will have so many visitors and your face will be so puffy youll do anything to feel like you look normal, whatever that is for you. moral of the story: take your products, maybe you will be too tired or fed up to worry with it, but better to have them and be so glad you brought them than try to explain to your mother or mother in law as to how to find them.

3. Comfy, layered PJS. when i hear layered i hear hassle but all im going to say here is the layers are for your benefit! i still have hot and cold flashes. also helps to have a top layer for when someone not as close to you drops by, you can just throw it on and feel comfortable.

4. Slippers, Socks and Robe.  enough said

5. Your Pillow and boppy. again enough said.

6. Your hair dryer, straightener/curling iron. again with the products the cleaner and more like you that you feel, the better your stay and memories and photos will be

7. Nursing tanktop. sorry girls but your belly will still be big except it will be worse bc it will be heavy and flabby not hard like when your bundle of joy was still inside. the nursing tank was the best thing even after i stopped nursing. it takes a while for your belly to tighten back up. wearing the tank helps give support even under everyday clothes.

8. Nursing cream. ok lets be straight. its nipple cream. can get it at walmart in the baby department but trust me its a necessity. it pretty unpleasant but you will regret not having and using it after every feeding.

9. Maxi dress. like i said, your belly will still be big and your butt will be bigger. i had more fluid on me that i ever imagined. wearing a maxi dress upon leaving the hospital, best choice!! i felt pretty! it made my curves much more subtle and i had a cute outfit on and it was very comfortable.

10. camera. we love taking pictures of her and recording our thoughts as time went on we would just "recap" to the camera. i already cherish those videos


top 5: for baby

1. clothes and hats. when she came in our room from one of her check ups wearing some strange outfit that didnt fit or even really look like an outfit for a baby looked more like a big longsleeve tshirt, i was like what in the world? it sounds insane but i couldn't wait to get her in some real clothes. something about wanting everything to be perfect for her just took over. thank goodness for my mother and mother in law! they went all over town finding preemie clothes, washing them and bringing them to the hospital so elizabeth ann could have something to wear. in other words, buy all sizes!!

2. Mittens. she hated them. and currently hates them but they will keep them from scratching their tiny faces which i promise they will hate more.

3. Diaper bag. ** here is something no one tells you. when they wheel your precious baby in your room they have the cart stocked. YOU ARE ALREADY BILLED FOR IT. so take it! diapers, wipes, alcohol wipes....those little bulb syringes you bought at the store wont work. you need the rubber one from the hospital. they work like no other. youll thank me later.

4. Present from daddy bear. michael gave her a little pink hippo. seriously they dont remember but one day we will tell her thats what her daddy gave her on her first birthday. it wasnt anything special just a little stuffed animal that we bought in advance for her. its a moment thing ok. go with it. again youll thank me later.

5. Night-Night bear. some of you are thinking what in the world? michael and i have this little blue bear that plays different music. i played in on my belly each night when id lay down to go to sleep. or tried to do it every night. now she listens to it at nap time and bedtime. it is soothing to her. not just for the music but i think it comforts her when its dark and i lay her down to go to sleep she just grabs his feet and closes those eyes. makes bed time and nap time wayyyyy easier so of course we started that really early and brought it to the hospital with us. i recommend you finding something similar for your little one

top 4: for daddy bear

1. change: we all need a little caffeine or some junk food or a late night snack. especially the dads! they somehow end up getting the shaft on the hospital stay. poor michael got to eat at random times around everyone else. plus this also is a good thing for mommies. i LOVE coke. cant have a sane day without one. change for vending machine is the way to go

2. PJ PANTS and slippers: he will pack what he thinks he needs to stay over night. he will know most things. he probably wont pack pants to sleep in. he wont consider the nurses coming in and out throughout the night to check on mom and the other nurses coming in on the other times to check on baby or bring the baby to you which means you cant sleep without a shirt or pants anymore but since its habit for them, they wont pack pjs. the hospitals are cold especially the floors. so just add these to his pack, he will thank YOU later.

3. his pillow and bedding: depending on the hospital, you may need an air mattress. we had a fold out bed type thing but my brother in law took an air mattress. check on that in advance

4. PATIENCE: this is the first of many days that your patience and nerves will be put to the test. play this phrase on repeat. your wife will be depending on you 
like never before. its such a beautiful chance for you to be her guide post and her rock. she will thank YOU later.
     

moving on!!! didnt mean for that to take so long. hope you are still with me!

   Elizabeth Ann was frank breech practically my entire pregnancy so my c-section was scheduled when i was 34 weeks for April 24 which made her 37 weeks and 5 days! this gave me a day to focus on, they can still always come whenever they want but we knew it would be no later than that day. 
  
So of course, two weeks in advance i got my hair done. have to keep those roots in check. 

the next week michael and i had a date night. nothing fancy just our last time to go out and do our usual people watching now all we do is baby watch

the saturday before i went by myself and got a pedicure. best idea ever! if i had known it was going to be so great i would have gotten one earlier. it was nice. not even just for the obvious reasons of loving a pedicure, but it was my last chance to truly be alone. 

**Side Note: ok people tell you this, but im going to tell you again, im young i didnt think it would be the same for me as it is for my mom bc of course everything always is ;) but seriously, once your baby is born, your mother/mother in law may have him/her but you are never alone. 

When i got home monday night i took an incredibly hot bath and did all the things i mentioned earlier! shaved my legs, exfoliated, cut and painted my nails, put some lotion on. total diva evening. followed by attempting to snuggle with hubs and watch a movie as loud as we wanted it. and tried our hardest to go to sleep.

since i was having a section i knew i could get ready and my hair wouldnt get messed up or sweat my make up off or any of those things you see in women who go through hours of labor. which is a perk yes but tomorrow you will hear plenty of things about c sections. i hate the phrase, 'cadillac way to have a baby' in my experience that is not true. each have pros and cons and neither way is cheery..worth it definitely but not easy either way.

ok off my soap box, back to the point, that morning i got up curled my hair put on my make up and we hit the road! hope you are excited to hear more! 

thanks for bearing with and stopping by! see you tomorrow!!! :)